I am aware that I am not the first to write about love... I am not the most eloquent nor the least experienced - it's on my mind at the moment... so here it is.
I am in love with my partner. In a big, full-bodied, connected-on-lots-of-levels kind of way. Aaaaaand we are also two human beings with different ways of seeing and thinking and communicating sharing a space and a life together. Reality.
So, where do you draw the line in the unconditional / conditional love Likert scale?
I know a couple who have been together 12 years. Happily. I asked them what they thought was the key to loving / co-habiting / growing with another person... and I asked them because they weren't self-help / workshop / therapy people (not that there's anything wrong that - am one myself) - I asked them because they were living it.
Here's the gold: they both said "Loving each other exactly as they are - not trying to change the other... at all."
I said "Really? Not even a little bit?".... apparently not even a little bit.
Simple.
It's a good point you're making, Miss Tamara. How to find the balance between loving unconditionally, yet having your needs met in a relationship? Well, I haven't found it yet! Loving someone exactly as they are would be my spiritual goal, but... some people surrender and choose not to express their natural feelings of irritation, or unmet needs, which eventually needs to resentment. Not good also. Maybe a delicate dance between acceptance and honest communication about your needs is da answer? Huh, wish I knew. Good luck darling, happy to hear you're in LOVE.
ReplyDeleteyes, i think a delicate dance of naming what does and does not work for you for sure... only if you can also name and own your own part of the dynamic - and take responsibility for your own reactions/irritations. it takes two! LOVING THE LOVE x
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